Where can you find me now?

Well it's been months and months since my last blog post. Lots has happened, for all of us. 

I've been spending more time posting on social media in spurts then finding the impetus for longer thoughts here.

At this moment, I'm in South Dakota, with my wife, traveling with our trailer, enjoying nature, having deep inner processes and profound spiritual experiences at times. But mostly just being in connecting with the land. 

About the same at my last post in April actually. Same lessons, go within, listen to your heart, but now I would add, dissolve attachment, face what your fear, what triggers you, so your joy and bliss can be felt more. 

And so it goes.  

We travel and learn about ourselves, the world and our relationship to it. 

I have started a YouTube Channel. 

Mostly pretty pictures right now and a some interviews I've had with a friend, but hoping to expand this in the near future. Maybe sharing my journey, my inner journey more.

You can find me here. 

https://youtu.be/sUIHpAHI-AE

Check out the Yellowstone video. It's my favorite. 

Many Blessings, my friends!

 I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

I took the road less travelled by and it made all the difference. 

Only in perspective, have I realized that this journey inward has been about learning to trust my heart; my intuition and my body. To differentiate between being a thinking, processing being, and living from a feeling place of inner wisdom.

As a highly rational, intellectual person for my entire life the idea of allowing feelings, intuition and imagination to be at the forefront has been a radical change. 

Lesson after lesson came my way this past few years, challenging me to move beyond my left brain way of being in the world. Making plans, lists, making the rational choice, thinking everything through, thinking ALL the time. Trying to make sense of life. 

Now I can see how thinking about everything creates separation. Instead of being in a moment and experiencing a feeling, i would start analyzing it, creating story around it, judging it, categorizing it. Anything except just surrendering to the experience! 

Immersed in nature for good chunks of time without distraction allowed me to pay attention to sounds, clouds, the questions that arise inside, feelings, all the fears and worries that circle around in the brain, until they drop away and i am able to finally able to relax into the moment and just be with myself. 

I didn’t consciously know that this was what I was experiencing, a heart opening. But good adventures don’t tell you much about what’s to come. You set you out with a good compass and some reassurance. The rest just happens. 

And so I have been navigating what it means to move through life from a more balanced perspective; a heart centered approach to living. 

I feel like I am moving beyond limitations I have set upon myself. What I should do, who I should be, how I should act. Into a an expanded version without definition, created moment by moment, honoring all parts of myself.

I listen with my body and I honor my feelings. And as a result I am experiencing increased joy, balance and health.

We are bombarded with so many messages from TV, music, family, friends, culture, and politics. Subtly and overtly telling us how we should feel, what we should think. 

In the absence of all that messaging, what arises? What is truth?

What is MY truth? 

This question is especially important during this moment in time. 

This question, the idea of sovereignty, is at the heart of so many philosophies, religions, art, and politics. 

Choice. Freedom. Expression.

Questioning the status quo, the teacher, the priest, the politician, even ourselves. 

And sprung from this ides of divergent paths, I have learned about Consent. I have learned to say, “ I do Not consent.”

Such powerful words. 

Drawing a line in the sand. Standing up and speaking a personal truth. Saying, “NO.”

It can be a spiritual act: setting boundaries that come from internal truth. 

Or as Gandalf (Lord of the Rings), says, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS.” (One of my favorite scenes.) 

Where he sets a physical, spiritual boundary of such power and love that it is deeply felt by all.

THAT is the energy of “I do not consent.” A deep knowing of the heart that bursts forth into voice and action. 

This energy is building now on the planet and can be witnessed across the world. People moving from their hearts and inner knowing and taking action, even if it is not popular opinion. Even when the left brain thinking mind can’t make sense of things. There is wisdom, a body wisdom that emerges if we but only allow some space for this to exist. 

This rising up, resurrection of the spirit of life may be calling some of you. It certainly is for me. 

How do our bodies speak to us? How do we respond? By honoring this wisdom, or by letting our brains take the lead and override?

What if the road less travelled is the path of following our hearts and listening to our bodies? The path of wisdom, life and joy. This is my truth. 

In the Desert You can't Remember Your Name

Living in the desert for months changes a person. My peers might remember the song, “Horse with no name,” by Dewey Bunnell?

“I’ve been through the desert

On a horse with no name

It felt good to be out of the rain

In the desert you can’t remember your name

‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain”

Identity falls away when there is no one trying to label you. I could describe ourselves as nomads but I no longer feel the need for modern day attachment to labels by job, economic class, or any other myriad of sub distinctions that culture attempts to place on me.

I have become (for today) she who lives in the desert with the “plants and birds and rocks and things.” (Always wondered what the things were meant to be.)

It’s refreshing to just be, not to be judged or confined by expectations. I am free to be different every day. Today I am a rock hunter, searching for fire agates on the ancient slopes of old volcanos. Yesterday I was water hunter, filling water jugs and taking a weekly shower. Tomorrow I may talk to friends and research our next location. 

As I simplify life to what is necessary (shower is top of the list!), I return again and again to identity and ego. Who am I if I am not my career? If I am not a political affiliation? If I am just living in the desert with a trailer of no name? 

When I see our country work so hard to define a group of people, an ideology, or belief, we can see how this creates division. 

I am made different than you. 

Those with power are attempting to put us at odds. To make us right and wrong, good and bad, us and them. 

Listen closely to the language. Is there guilt or shame? Is there judgement or condemnation? Is there emotional manipulation to have a certain opinion?

Do we really want to engage with one another from this perspective?

I’ve learned that as I drop my ego attachments to being what is expected of me (career, class, where I live, sexual orientation, political affiliation) that I am whatever I choose to be at any moment. I am not constrained by division. I don’t have to box myself into a category of opinion, or belief. I can choose every day to be something different, or I can choose to be undefined. 

I hope we learn to approach one another with appreciation and compassion first and foremost, allowing each other the space to be whoever we choose at the moment. I believe in the basic human goodness of people (not those in power), if we were to label anything, maybe it could be, “Are you kind?” 

“How much do you hold love and peace?”

Then every other label is put into proper perspective. Because first we stand in our hearts toward one another, connecting in our common humanity. But this would require lack of judgement and lack of defensiveness. 

We get to choose how we want this journey to unfold. We have the power to decide what is important and how to relate to one another. What world are we going to create?

 A new year, a new vision, a new beginning. 

It all began around the March equinox. I experienced a spiritual awakening that continues to deepen as we roll into 2021. This was akin to peeling off layers of an onion, only many layers were removed all at once! Layers of denial, suffering, fear, perception fell away and radically changed my way of being in the world. 

It was like being stripped of all my comforts and standing bare in order to see myself and the world in its most naked truth. This challenged my ego and my most core beliefs. It took a few months to find some stability again in my new way of being. However, this stripping down to the essentials allowed me to access more of myself. Joy, peace, sovereignty, even bliss are now accessible in ways I never dreamed possible. It's been a magical process of uncovering, going within, embodiment and surrender.

It was as if a door opened to my spirit that I didn’t know existed. 

There have been so many wonderful new adventures and friendships. My sense of self and my place in the universe has shifted more this year, than any previous decade! 

Turns out I wasn’t the only one who experienced a spiritual leveling up during this time. Hundreds of thousands of souls across the globe had a similar spiritual shift. This global event is called The Great Awakening, and I don’t think it’s coincidence that it is happening at the the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. 

Since the most recent solstice millions more humans have experienced heart-opening, eye-opening clarity and enjoyed greater connection to Source/God/Nature along with insight into the upheavals happening around the world.

It hasn’t all been roses since the virus and political events created a U-turn in my life in spring and summer, but these challenging events actually acted as catalyst. Shay and I ended up on the road with our trailer and I turned away from the media, the stories of fear and turned deep within. Nature became a healing balm and kept me grounded during the external chaos. Traveling and exploring shifted my focus to the present moment and kept me from worry looping. Not having TV and barely internet at times kept me away from the constant barrage of media hype. 

As a result I was able to truly enjoy wherever we happened to be camping. The cactus, mountains, and jack rabbits are much more enjoyable to focus on then CNN! Due to my work I had to keep abreast of events but I was able to do this from a more detached perspective. Plus the balance of work/fun ratio heavily skewed toward enjoyment.

I have learned that I have the power to decide how I will react to external events. And how I react then dictates how I feel, and therefore my experience.

I can choose my reactions. I will have ample opportunity to practice this in the coming days and weeks as the unveiling begins and more and more humans experience awakening.

The events of the next months will be catalysts for everyone to look deeper within, to trust our own intuition and develop discernment and compassion. This is a time to develop unity and trust. This is a spiritual revolution that we have all chosen to be a participant in. As I watch the news today I remind myself that I can choose to participate in any narrative, or choose a reaction that aligns with my vision for the world. Again and again I choose to live in joy.

I am so grateful for our simple life. For the sun which powers our bodies and also provides electric power for our little trailer. For the blue skies, and birds, and the quietness of desert solitude. Thank you Universe, for this magical experience of love and beauty and joy. 

I will embrace it all!

Love to you all.

 Where does joy live?

Do you know how when you go on vacation and just about when the vacation is over you FINALLY relax? You let go of doing tourist things, of seeing the sights and checking off your list everything you dreamt of doing for the months leading up to vacation? That moment when you let go of expectations, of the need to be anywhere and do anything?

When you finally just sit and stare at the water, or find contentment in the smallest blessing of warm breeze or exotic flower? 

It’s that moment when peace can enter. When contentment, gratitude, joy and appreciation can arrive. When we stop doing.

This is our true state of being; joy, peace, and gratitude. 

I know this because I’ve had plenty of practice over the last few years and especially this year. 

It used to be uncomfortable to be in my body. I experienced lots of pain and suffering. I would do anything to distract myself from being in my body. I watched TV, ate, had a list of projects, read, anything to keep me from being present with the pain

I did not feel part of the flow of life. I felt separated from joy. 

I didn’t know how to move past this way of being; angry, frustrated, sad. I knew deep down that it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to spend my life being bed-bound. I knew I was meant for adventure and that our natural state was joy. I just didn’t know how to get there. 

One of the wonderful things about this lifestyle is the abundance of time to just be. To stare at the sunset, to listen to the birds, to watch the scenery flow by as we travel a lonely road looking for our next destination. We don’t have a 9-5 job, we don’t have a house to care for, our simple life allows us opportunities that we didn’t used to appreciate.

These moments all string together now, and then another now, and another now, into stillness and softness until the entire day becomes a series of now moments, a walking meditation that carries me through each moment of doing. As I clean the floor, make dinner, do the dishes, each moment is an opportunity to allow myself to be in the moment, not to rush through the chores and have-to list so I can get to a better next moment. 

What if life is not about how much you can get done in the day? How many chores, work hours, projects finished. What if we are here to learn to drop into ourselves? What if this life isn’t about working hard, and having more stuff? What if we have it backwards?

Can we get past the mind’s constant chatter, the need to be in activity every moment, and just feel? If you said this to me 4 years ago I would have balked at this idea. I would have come up with a million reasons to hold onto my way of life. 

Now, I have no interest in a life that is about struggle and suffering and fear.

The more I practice being present the happier I become. Instead of being filled up with busyness I practice filling my body with gratitude. The more space that I allow by just being in my body, the more room for joy.

 

As corny as this sounds this practice has fundamentally changed my life. I am happy. I still have pain in my body, but now instead of rushing into the next distraction, I am able to sit still with my body, let my mind quiet, and find a whole new world open up inside. 

Now I find complete joy staring at a beautiful tree, a hummingbird stopping to say hello, peace in the color of sunlight bouncing off the water. 

I no longer feel separate from myself or from God/Source/Nature. I am learning how to be IN the richness of flow, of allowing life to stream through me and around me. 

Because flow and peace is not something outside us. The beauty of life is first found within. I know I am seriously treading on corny/spiritual ground again. For anyone who knows the decades that I have suffered with chronic health and as a byproduct a thwarted career, and hobbies might have an inkling of how dramatic this experience is for me. To feel the opposite side of the coin from fear, depression, and pain is truly a miracle! 

The less I do, the more that I just am, the more I find true happiness. It is in the stillness that our true nature has an opportunity to arise. A to-do list satisfied has never brought me wonderful feelings of bliss, peace and love.

So I encourage everyone to find a few minutes everyday to step away from your expectations and just sit. Watch a tree, the sunlight, a candle or even a beautiful piece of art and just breath. Just feel. Turn off the mind (if you can), and see what room you can find within. Don't wait until your next vacation.

Where does joy live in you?

Love to you all

 12, 20, 2020

Today is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius! 

 

Let the Sun Shine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILSr9BbhoJQ

This is more than an astrological turn of phrase. The Age of Aquarius heralds in the transformation of humanity. A long awaited time in our collective evolution that awakens us to our full potential as human beings. 

Even amidst the chaos of the outer world (or maybe because of it?), this inner shift has already started. Maybe some of you sense it yourselves? A change you can’t put your finger on, a question, an out of the ordinary experience, or inner knowing. 

This past year has certainly caused us all to change our way of living and perhaps our perceptions also. However, this is just the beginning. There is so many wonderful things to come as we navigate this time period together. 

We’ve been hibernating like so many others during the past 10 months. However, our journey has been equal part internal transformation and nomadic explorations around the USA via our little travel trailer we’ve dubbed Terra Holoholo. Our adventures have brought us closer to nature, ourselves, and strangely enough to a world wide community of souls on similar spiritual journey’s to our own. 

Even though we are alone much of the time in nature we are connected through our hearts, minds and Zoom. Because of this community, because of the simpleness and beauty of our daily lives, because of the wildness of nature, we can honestly say this has been an amazing and life changing year.

Last April, when boatyard life came to an end we stayed in San Carlos for a few months house sitting, and waiting out the virus intensity in the PNW. Once summer arrived and with rising temperatures in Mexico we packed up and returned to Washington. Within a week we moved our belongings, sold a boat and a car and landed in our trailer in Olympia.

By the end of August we had installed a solar system and fixed up our trailer, bought a new/used truck and left town for the coast. 

When the fires and smoke rolled up to the sea we quickly drove east, keeping barely ahead of the worst of the smoke until we reached SE Idaho, where we found reasonably clean air, water and lovely forests to camp within.

Over the next months we enjoyed weeks alone in the wilderness, in Utah’s Valley of the Gods, Pagosa Springs, Zion, Sedona, Valley of Fire, Lake Mead, and Lake Havasu. We hike and meditate and enjoy camp fires and reading, YouTube and movies. We listen to the wind storms as they rock our trailer, sit in the sun on a warm afternoon, drive the backroads just for the fun of it and watch the moon and stars shift and change along with the season. Our simple life allows for us to heal and laugh, be present and enjoy life.

The most challenging aspects are lack of community (in person) and where to find water to fill our tanks. Other than that we are self sufficient and only go into town for supplies. 

There are many similarities to cruising by sailboat and many times feel as if our little trailer is our land cruiser, plying the backroads of America in search of beauty, adventure, rest and connection.

But today is an extra special day, a rare event - the alignment of Jupiter and Saturn - on the winter solstice. This is also know as the Bethlehem star. And this star is said to bring the return of Christ, or Christ consciousness to humanity. (Christ consciousness just means a higher state of being).

Many people, cultures and native communities throughout the world are gathering together on this day to celebrate and pray for enlightenment, peace and love. This day and the coming age has been prophesied about for thousands of years and it is finally upon us. We are all so lucky to be alive during this time, this transition into a new reality. 

I’ve know of the importance of this day for only 10 months now and so newly awake to the transformative power of this timeframe and have been looking forward to this Solstice as a pivotal and momentous moment. On this day we all have easy access to our own hearts and inner knowing. 

It is also a day for setting intention for the future. For dreaming big and letting the Universe know that you are ready for increased joy, prosperity, love and peace in your life. 

The Age of Aquarius is the turning point for humanity. A time when we turn away from war, hate, selfishness, and fear and turn toward unity, freedom, peace and compassion. 

Tonight we will have a bonfire in the desert, we will dance and sing with joy as we move together into a new way of being. A new age. A new life filled with all that we can dream.

I invite you to join us in your hearts, in your thoughts and welcome the wondrous events about to unfold over the next few years. 

Happy Happy Solstice

and

Love to all of you.

Start of the season 2019 - Guaymas, Mexico

We’ve been in the Guaymas boat yard almost a month now. We are winning the battle most days. Then we come up against hard decisions, like the rigging, and I feel defeated. There is still so much to do and very little money to do it with this year. But the to do list to splash is getting smaller. Thanks to some help from Gene and Ben and friends in the yard.

When we left Harstine Island we said a sad farewell to Rose and Gary and traveled south to visit both our family’s in Ferndale, Half Moon Bay and friends in Ojai. 

Hiking with Teri and Brisa the dog

Then we turned east and stayed in Surprise AZ at the wonderful White Tank campground to provision and get work done on the truck. We stuffed the truck to bursting and headed south to cross the border in Nogales. 

Trading by cell phone on a freezing morning.

The desert was beautiful with all the rain

The border was empty of border agents and so we drove through without incident and made it to San Carlos where we stayed with Gene for 5 nights before moving aboard Holoholo.

The first wash down of 6 months of grime

The first day in the yard is always stressful and unsettling. I was stressed about what we would find inside: mold, critters, water, damage. But she was surprising dry, just a little mildew. Later that day we did find that the bilge pump had gotten turned off so the bilge was full of water - but still a foot below the engine. I had a thru hull open just in case. We emptied the bilge and Lucas started on the electrical so we could move aboard. We set up our tent next to Holoholo so we could take all the gear we removed from Eileen May and had thrown inside Holoholo, into the tent for safe keeping. 

It took us four long days to clean, organize and unpack the truck. Having to figure out where everything belongs and finding containers to store gear and food and parts and tools took most of our time. We still have piles of sails and line on deck. And since we don’t have our mast up everything had to be carted up and down the ladder. Last year we were able to use block and tackle on our boom and winch everything up the 15 ft. 

Thanks to Gene we had a clean bed at the end of the day and could do laundry and take showers, and use his kitchen to make dinner. 

Swap Meet

I was not looking forward to living on the hard, in a dirty boat yard with a bathroom 100 yards away, but we’ve survived 3 weeks now. The most challening part is staying organized amid multiple projects, keeping a clean kitchen, and finding the right tool which could be in the boat, the tent the truck or in the mast tool bin. But we’ve go a couple comfortable settees now and even tho the V-berth is too small we do have a bed. 

Another big coup is getting a little cash from the parts we are selling from Eileen May. If I could sell her mast, engine and generator I would be so very happy. 

We finally broke down and got a storage unit. For $29 a month we have a little closet unit where we can put Eileen May’s stainless steel dodger and bimini, sails, stanchions, cushions, windlass, and everything else until we decide what we will use and what we will sell. Slowly, we are shuffling gear over to the unit and getting organized. The worst we've found so far is a bottle of part A epoxy spilled all over the port settee locker. This was not a fun clean up. We have also abandoned the aft water tank. When I used my endoscope through the water inlet I found brown gunk covering the inside. The clean up will have to wait until we install inspection ports. This job can wait until later. 

What the salon looked like first day

Shay’s been working on the mast and prepping it for painting which means removing all the hardware, sanding, and getting ready to prime. I’ve been inspecting the rigging, fixing the propane stove, fixing the generator, cleaning water tanks, working on the scupper drains. Gene replaced the steering cable and the leaky galley sink drain.

Gene working on the steering cable

Cockpit scupper problem solving

Ben schooling Shay on spreaders

No, Shay is not napping she is attempting to clean up a gallon of epoxy in the tool locker

We will need to upgrade our solar panels cause they are old and not providing the power we need and check the chainplates and bolts and do some work on the engine and cutlass bearing. It’s a lot to do so we have been taking off more time to be social with dock parties at El Mero - the almost free marina, hiking with Gene, Pitaya Farm tour and a couple yard parties with bonfires thanks to Georgia. It has helped to not be pushing so hard this year. 

Hiking to Martini Cove

My very first book just published! Here's the link to buy it! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B082DQ3CXW

I’ve also noticed that since we already know where to shop and most of the tool stores, that we don’t spend as much time running around looking for something. When we run into a road block we pivot to another project until we find a solution. We know who to ask to borrow a tool or for specific advice. We definitely learned a lot about how to manage life in a boat yard last year. 

Our bodies are bruised and sore and we have buns of steel from living up a ladder but we’ve been able to keep a better pace. I think due to taking time off, eating healthy and sleeping lots. It’s not hot here yet and gets chilly at night still so it’s good boat working weather. 

If we don’t have the boat in the water by mid February we will consider leaving the yard for a different adventure for awhile. But we are optomisitc that we can splash. It depends on the rigging and the engine I think. 

Fingers crosssed!